Da Flip and Da Flop of Da Brain

I’m having an “I feel fat” day.  I’m fighting discouragement.  I really am making slow progress, and I feel like I just keep starting over at the beginning.  I should remember that the numbers don’t lie.  I’ve been making progress…I’ve upped my number of steps, I’ve been keeping a food log, and most of all…I haven’t given up.

I don’t weigh myself too often.  I find it discouraging especially at the beginning of rebuilding strength and muscle tone.  I know fully well that during that time, the scale can even go up because “muscle weighs more than fat.”  Still, it would be nice for that number to go down.  I mean, geez.

My exercise was thwarted by forces beyond my control this week.  On Monday, I had stomach cramps all day that had me doubled over in pain.  On Wednesday, there were huge storms.  I got a small walk in Tuesday, simply because I walked to my hair appointment down the street instead of driving.  But still, all of those days I reached my minimum steps of 6,500, most of which occurred inside my own house.

But today, TODAY was a great workout day. I made my best time (walking four miles!) in quite a while.  Then I did my dumbbells, floor exercises and stretching.  I cleaned the kitchen then took a shower.  I felt pretty good until I got a glimpse in the mirror getting out of the shower.  Just, eww.  I chose to not be discouraged though, and decided not to worry about what I look like, but rather how I’m feeling.  And I’m feeling pretty good right now.  I’m a little tired, and a little hungry, but I feel clean, invigorated, and grateful that I was able to have this day.

Getting older sucks.  I’m finally getting comfortable with who I am on the inside and I don’t recognize the person on the outside.  When you stare hard you can see the young person in there still…just as innocent and fun-loving as a child.  I was fortunate to never really have issues with my weight, just an occasional extra 20-30 pounds or so.  When I was younger, I could cut that extra weight fairly quickly.  Since hitting my 40’s, the weight seems to cling ever so much tighter, not to mention the way gravity has attacked everything.  Then you add on top of that a debilitating chronic illness that makes it impossible to know when I can have a day like today or when I will barely be able to function.

I’m not giving up though.  The weight isn’t even the biggest reason to keep fighting.  Building strength and improving overall health is key, living the best quality of life I can, preventing further issues from developing.


If you know someone who can relate, feel free to share!

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